I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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