halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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