Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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