You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
