I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
