Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
