mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
