The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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