One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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