im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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