well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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