After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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