so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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