remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
