my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
