Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
