if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
