worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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