So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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