he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
