great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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