my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
