his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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