You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
