You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
