Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
