we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
