There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
