Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
