I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
