Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
