# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
