you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
