my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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