Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
