weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
