i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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