dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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