at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
