If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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