her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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