Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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