capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
