ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
