i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
