We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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