I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
