ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
