she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Found your dick twin last night
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The feeling are messing with the penis
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
