then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Mom said you looked used
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The uberlube is also flammable
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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