I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
