There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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