I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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