Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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