is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
