ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
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